Getting Real on Reality TV

CW: Sexual Assault

Reality television is a peculiar genre of entertainment. It’s real, but it’s also produced. It involves real people, but those people are often framed as characters. It’s meant to be relatable, but it’s also meant to be entertainment.

Nonetheless, while reality TV is often dramatic and over-produced, viewers have seen an increase in open conversations about difficult topics, including sexual violence. These are real people discussing real trauma on a very public scale.

Below Deck Down Under

On the most recent season of Below Deck Down Under, a reality show following the crew members of a superyacht during charter season, bosun Luke Jones climbed into stewardess Margot Sisson’s bed naked and without consent while she was asleep (Staples, 2023). This prompted producers to intervene and tell Luke to leave. Luke became aggressive, as he swore at the production crew and slammed the door, before he was eventually ejected.

Earlier that night, the crew were on a night out, which included heavy drinking. When the crew got back on board, chief stewardess Aesha Scott said to Margot, “I don’t want any drunkenness to be taken advantage of. So I’d just like to see you get into bed safely. I’ll get you water… I just saw the way that Luke was looking at you, and I’m feeling very protective.” Margot responded, “I am glad that you’re here. I don’t want to go in the jacuzzi. I want to go to bed. All I want is water and bed, no Luke” (Staples, 2023).

After the incident, Luke locked himself in his cabin as Aesha woke up Captain Jason Chambers to inform him of what had happened. Captain Jason immediately told Luke to leave the boat. The following morning, Luke was fired (Staples, 2023).

In a very raw and emotional scene, viewers got to see the moment Margot was made aware of what happened. Margot asked, “How long was he in my room for? Do you know?” before stating that she felt “stupid” for getting so drunk. Aesha, along with chef Tzarina Mace-Ralph were present to comfort Margot. Tzarina held Margot’s hand as she responded, “Don’t ever feel stupid. He should feel stupid. Women should be able to be red-hot drunk if they want to be. We should be able to stand naked in a room and not have anyone do anything to us. You know, you were allowed to be drunk, you were allowed to be. It’s the other person’s problem” (Staples, 2023).

When Margot spoke to stewardess Laura Bileskalne about the incident, Laura made it clear, through both verbal and non-verbal cues, that she did not agree with Luke’s firing, stating, “I just don’t think it’s fair. Anyways, I’m sorry for you, I just think it should be a warning. I’m just sad. I think he just meant it as a joke. He’s a funny guy, I don’t think he meant anything bad. He wouldn’t rape you or anything. He’s a sexual person, I’m a sexual person, you’re a sexual person. We were joking, that thing was probably like, ‘Hahaha, we all drunk’” (Staples, 2023).

Laura then suggested that she would’ve welcomed Luke into her own bed and blamed Margot for her behavior the previous night, “And it’s not that you said ‘no’ to him the whole night, like he didn’t feel comfortable to come to you. He felt welcomed coming there” (Staples, 2023).

After Captain Jason was made aware of Laura’s comments, Laura was also promptly let go (Staples, 2023).

Viewers of Below Deck Down Under connected with Margot’s experience and were touched by her vulnerability. I think many survivors can relate to her reaction, placing blame on herself for what Luke did to her. At the same time, Margot was the epitome of resilience; after having such a traumatic experience, she pushed through and continued the charter season in stride.

This incident also displayed both good and bad allyship. Laura’s words, whether intentional or not, were a perfect example of victim-blaming. She completely invalidated Margot and made her feel small. She implied that Margot invited Luke’s behavior, because she didn’t say no. She made excuses for Luke’s behavior, implying that it was a “joke,” that he’s just a “sexual person,” and that “he wouldn’t rape you or anything.” 

On the other hand, Aesha and Tzarina acted as incredible allies, advocating for Margot and providing her support. They both validated Margot’s reaction and reminded her that it was not her fault. Similarly, Captain Jason cultivated an environment of consent and respect, and held the crew accountable when they acted otherwise. 

Bravo to Aesha, Tzarina, and Captain Jason for teaching Below Deck’s viewers how to properly support the survivors in their lives.

Love Is Blind

The most recent cast of Love Is Blind brought a whirlwind of drama to the Netflix show’s fifth season. One cast member in particular, Chris Fox, also brought a real and vulnerable conversation to the show, sharing his experience of sexual assault with romantic interest Johnie Maraist (Yeates, 2023). 

In one of his conversations with Johnie, Chris opened up about being pressured into losing his virginity to a female friend when he was only 17, claiming that she climbed on top of him without his consent (Yeates, 2023).

Chris stated, “I took a trip and we went to Mexico and we met these girls there and we were all drinking tequila in the suite—me, my friend, and these girls. And this girl, I was ready to go to bed and she pressured herself on me, and I know it's, like, hard to imagine. I feel like there's a stigma on guys pushed into sex, because you have to get hard and you have to do it. I just remember my friend in the twin bed next to me and she was getting on top of me, and I specifically remember saying no a number of times, ‘No, I don't want to do this.’ I just felt pressure from her and that's how I lost my virginity” (Yeates, 2023).

After providing Chris with the time and space he needed to speak on his experience, Johnie responded, “I’m sorry that happened to you. It definitely sounds like you were taken advantage of, so don't make any excuses for her because that's not okay. I'm sorry that happened to you, especially your first time. I'm glad you told me, it makes me feel closer to you” (Yeates, 2023).

It’s rare we see a man publicly share his story of sexual violence, let alone publically address the stigma of male survivors. Chris’ vulnerability has a momentous impact on the abundance of male survivors who may fear speaking up about their experiences. 

I got the chance to speak with Johnie about her conversation with Chris. She described the range of emotions she experienced while listening to his story, “I was horrified that those things happened to Chris, and I think you can see in the scene that I freeze, because I was shocked. But at the same time, I was very honored that Chris felt safe enough to share those things with me. I knew I couldn’t change the things that had happened to him, but I could try to provide him support in his own processing of the events.”

What Johnie felt in that moment was normal; it’s never easy to hear that someone you care about has been hurt and violated. Nonetheless, Johnie acted as the perfect example of how to support a loved one when they disclose their assault. She didn’t interrupt Chris when he spoke, she validated his experience, and she thanked him for being open with her. Her response was comforting, creating a safe space for Chris to continue having conversations with her.

When I asked Johnie about her response, she explained, “Chris noted that there is a stigma around men claiming sexual assault—people are quick to say ‘well, your body responded, so you must have wanted it,’ and I just don’t think that’s the case. Chris did not consent to what was happening and the girl did it anyway—that’s assault. I wanted Chris to know that I saw him, I believed him and that what that girl did was wrong. I wanted him to know he shouldn’t blame himself or make excuses for her. Assault is assault whether the victim is male or female.”

Johnie hopes that her conversation with Chris is an impactful one for the show’s audience, stating, “I in no way want to discount female sexual assault survivors. I know it is equally hard for them to come forward, but I do hope the conversation between Chris and I will be a step toward de-stigmatizing male sexual assault victims, and I hope anyone who has a partner that has suffered assault will create a safe space for them to process their emotions.”

Thank you to these survivors for making reality TV real. Your openness reminds survivors that they are not alone. Your vulnerability has prompted larger conversations surrounding sexual violence. Your stories matter.

Sources:

• Staples, L. (2023, August 9). 'Below Deck Down Under's' Sexual Misconduct Episode Is a Gamechanger. Rolling Stone. 

• Yeates, C. (2023, September 22). Love is Blind star Chris Fox shares harrowing account of how he lost his virginity in traumatic sexual ASSAULT when he was just 17: 'She got on top of me... I remember saying NO'. Daily Mail.