Sexual Coercion

Consent is key to any romantic/sexual relationship. When consent is missing in a relationship, sexual coercion is one of the many forms of different abuse tactics that can be present. Sexual coercion is a type of sexual abuse that is a lot more common than people may believe it is. Some victims don’t even realize they have experienced this until the relationship has finally stopped and they can see things more clearly. Others, unfortunately, don't think they have a way out. By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.” 

This abuse can take form in many different ways and is very much a spectrum. Contrary to popular belief it is not as physically violent as many people think it is. It mostly is verbal and emotional coercion. These tactics the abuser uses can make you feel pressure, guilt or shame. Like you owe that person in the form of a sexual act. It can be someone egging you on, or asking persistently. It can also be someone badgering you or yelling at you. These advances can sound like, “C’mon, what do you expect?”, “You already got me all worked up.” and, “if you really loved me, you'd let me do it”, or on the other hand they can simply make you feel like it's too late to say no. 

It is often overlooked how common this can be. In fact, one of the most frequent ways of sexual coercion is getting someone under the influence by giving them alcohol to “loosen them up”. And unfortunately, the college drinking culture 18-24 year olds live in has sort of normalized this type of behavior. Let me set the scene: a girl goes out to the bars with her friends and if a boy sees her and finds he is interested in her, what does he think he's supposed to do? Buy her drinks to loosen her up. However, this is not to say that just the act of buying someone drinks is a type of coercion, it can very well be just a nice gesture, but if an individual buys someone drinks with the intention of getting them under the influence to sleep with them, that is sexual coercion. Of course, this can happen to any gender in any abusive relationship, although women definitely tend to experience this type of abuse more with their partners. 

No person is ever required to have sex with someone else, no matter the relationship between the two people. Consent should be freely communicated and can be taken back at any moment. It is very important to learn the warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship where something like this could occur, and to be aware of your surroundings when you go out. If you think you’re experiencing something like this, please know you're not alone, it is never your fault and there is help available. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 

If you are in need of resources or support, visit Survivors.org. We are here for you.

Written by: Fall 2022 Intern Miranda Carroll