Survivor Stories (pt. 16)
CW: Sexual violence
Every survivor has their own story, yet not every survivor feels heard. For a multitude of reasons, survivors fear speaking out. And even if they do speak out, that doesn’t mean someone will listen… or believe them.
From the start of my work with PAVE, I emphasized my desire to highlight survivor stories. I desired to create a space for survivors to share their voices, one that perseveres even after my time at PAVE.
The pieces below were submitted by survivors, some requesting to remain anonymous. Thank you to these survivors for your strength and vulnerability. We hear you. We believe you. We support you.
Compiled by Jessica Katz
SHE RAISED HER RIGHT HAND: A Survivor Story of Domestic Violence in the Military by Roweena Arash
She raised her right hand to enlist and serve
Not totally realizing the true pain she would feel, the one she didn’t deserve
She put on the uniform and laced up her boots
She was ready to be a leader; she was ready to support her troops
She deployed to Iraq and to Kuwait, to fight in two wars
But no one understood the secret she kept of the true pain she really had to endure
She was highly decorated with medals and praised for her work
But little did anyone know about her true pain and hurt
She woke up to wear the uniform, something she did every day
But the next day at work, no one understood why she walked a certain way
She hid all the bruises and scars behind the uniform so no one could see
Because if anyone knew of her secret, she could risk losing her job or clearance, something that just could not be
The physical abuse became less so no one would see the scars
But the emotional abuse continued, and that was way worse by far
Her Soldiers were amazed by her leadership and thought she was the best
But at home, she was put down and shamed by a husband who couldn't care less
She could have reported, she could have said something, but it wasn’t something she wanted to seek
Because you were trained and conditioned to believe that seeking help was for the weak
If she said something she knew her leaders and chain of command would know
So for six years, she suffered in silence; and continued to put on a happy face so the pain wouldn’t show
She finally made the decision to leave, quietly, and still so the military wouldn’t find out
And she still continued to suffer in silence until she retired, so her leaders would know she was still amazing and continued to not have any doubts
It's funny how we raise our right hand to serve and protect and defend
But not knowing that the true enemies and battles are not overseas, but they lie at home; within
The media will continue to show us as shiny objects and always have us looking brand new
Not knowing that the pain we endure isn’t just on the battlefield, but there are invisible battles we deal with at home too
