“Boys Will Be Boys”

Illustrated by Lauren Chung

TW: sexual assault and harassment

Disclaimer: I acknowledge this piece is gendered, and I want to emphasize that anyone can be a victim, as can anyone can be a perpetrator. This piece is based on my experiences as a cisgender woman.

I was told as a child that if a boy teased you, it meant he had a crush on you. That concept always confused me. If you liked someone, why would you mistreat them?

Boys will be boys.

Growing up, I remember the girls being pulled out of gym class and sat down for conversations with school administration about the dress code. You can’t wear shorts unless they’re past your fingertips. Don’t show your shoulders or collarbones. No spaghetti straps—they’re too revealing. The boys didn’t get this talk.

Boys will be boys.

One day in middle school, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office for wearing a long sleeve top with sheer lace sleeves. I was forced to wear a used gym uniform until my mom came to drop off clothes; it was uncomfortable and embarrassing. No boys were ever dress-coded.

Boys will be boys.

I was a child, pre-pubescent, and I was taught to believe that I must sacrifice my autonomy so I don’t “distract the boys.”

Boys will be boys.

As I’ve gotten older, that saying was unconsciously seared into my brain. It was my defense for the actions of every boy who mistreated me. It prevented me from leaving unhealthy relationships. It caused me to blame myself for the mistreatment and abuse I faced.

Who cares if he yells at you when you cry? If he pushes aside your emotions and crosses your boundaries?

Boys will be boys.

The sexualization and objectification of women have become normalized in our society. A woman is either a prude or a slut. For years, Billie Eilish has been scolded for her baggy wardrobe, but she is met with instant public scrutiny and judgment each time she wears formfitting clothing or shows some skin.

Boys will be boys.

When a woman in the public eye reaches the ripe age of 18, men feel entitled to comment on her body. I mean, look at the comment section of any woman in Hollywood; regardless if a woman is old or young, naked or fully clothed, dead or alive, she’s fair game for hypersexualization.

Boys will be boys.

In Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines, he sings, “Good girl, I know you want it.”

In U.O.E.N.O, Rick Ross raps, “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it. I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.”

This mindset feeds into rape culture, perpetuating a phenomenon that targets women for simply existing as a “sexual being.” I guess a woman isn’t owed respect when she dresses like a whore.

Boys will be boys.

This same mindset prevails in statements like, “She was asking for it.” By internalizing rape culture, we normalize sexual assault. We invalidate a woman’s experience by shifting the blame onto her. She drank too much. She wore tight or revealing clothing. She was clearly flirting with him. There’s nothing like being sexualized and slut-shamed at the same time.

Boys will be boys, but girls will be sluts.

When I went off to college, I was taught how not to be deemed an easy target. Don’t walk home alone. Always carry pepper spray. Don’t leave your drink unattended. Never get too drunk. Don’t dress too “provocatively.” Always share your location with a friend.

It reminds me of those talks in middle school—no short shorts or bare shoulders. Yet, I don’t remember anyone teaching the boys not to stare, not to touch inappropriately, not to joke or tease.

Boys will be boys.

Let’s rewind. If we want to teach girls how to protect themselves, let’s also teach boys how to control their urges and not act on sexual aggression. Or, I don’t know, we can teach everyone basic respect.

We can stop shaming women for how they choose to present themselves, stop ogling over unconsenting barely-of-age women on Instagram, and stop assuming that anything other than a clear and verbal “yes” is consent.

Boys will be… No. Enough with the excuses.

On the flip side, we can start teaching our children to do better—building an understanding of consent, respecting bodily autonomy, and placing blame on perpetrators, not victims.

Boys will be held accountable.