Survivor Stories (pt. 10)

TW: Sexual violence

Every survivor has their own story, yet not every survivor feels heard. For a multitude of reasons, survivors fear speaking out. And even if they do speak out, that doesn’t mean someone will listen… or believe them. 

From the start of my work with PAVE, I emphasized my desire to highlight survivor stories. I desired to create a space for survivors to share their voices, one that perseveres even after my time at PAVE. 

The pieces below were submitted by survivors, some requesting to remain anonymous. Thank you to these survivors for your strength and vulnerability. We hear you. We believe you. We support you.

Untitled by Katie Hodgkin

On August 11th, 2009, I went to a party with a boy I was seeing at the time. I thought we were together (dating, not officially) but obviously I was wrong. Anyway, I was sixteen years old, an angsty teen that always wanted to rebel. When the boy I was seeing asked if I wanted to go to a party that night, I said yes. I had a mikes hard lemonade (only one or two), maybe a shot of vodka or some sort of hard liquor. I don't really remember because this was when I started to black out.

I only remember very few things of that night. I remember him removing my clothes. I remember sitting on a chair/couch, naked, just curled up, not knowing what was going on. I then black out again. Next thing I know I'm on a bar stool while someone is trying to rape me. Then it goes blank. I remember vomiting, and after blacking out again, I woke up naked in a bed next to some guy I didn't know.

The guy I was seeing left me there at the "party". I didn't know where my clothes were, I was still drugged up so I stumbled around the cabin trying to find my clothes. A third perpetrator was in the kitchen. I asked where the guy I was seeing was, he said he left. He ignored my phone calls and I still felt sick so I passed out on the couch again. When I woke up again the guy I was seeing still was ignoring me. I started freaking out, I knew something was wrong. I called my friend, who was so fucking helpful to me. He saved me. He told the 2nd perpetrator to give me water, and to get the guy I was seeing back over there or he would pick me up himself. I didn't know where I was or what happened. Eventually the guy I was seeing came to pick me up.

I didn't realize the severity of what happened to me. I thought I knew, but when I read this case file I felt like I was raped all over again. This has NOT been brought to the courts. Even though two people confessed, because I "chose to drink" i technically (according to Maine Law) was "a willing participant" in this