Intimacy After Assault

TW: sexual assault, sexual abuse

I remember that when it happened, I felt violated, disgusted, and ashamed.

Survivors of sexual assault cope with an abundance of feelings post-assault, often shame and guilt. These feelings stem from having healthy sexuality forced into contact with hostility, victimization, predatory behavior, and social stigma (Kinsey & Henderson, 2022). Guilt and shame may manifest differently in each survivor.

Hypersexuality, or compulsive sexuality, is a strong, compulsive desire for sex. It is often associated with manic and hypomanic states, in which action replaces introspection. Research has recognized compulsive sexuality as a coping mechanism for trauma, dissociation, and shame (Kinsey & Henderson, 2022).

Shame and guilt are associated with dissociation, in which the flow of conscious experience separates from the experience of being in one’s body. Once it occurs, it often becomes a dominant defense mechanism; when you don’t want to feel, you dissociate (Kinsey & Henderson, 2022).

Thus, survivors look to regulate painful emotions by seeking stimulation. In terms of hypersexuality, sex is a highly stimulating experience that makes being in one’s own skin pleasurable. You feel good, and you feel like you have control.

Another way sexual assault manifests is in hyposexuality, or sexual aversion (Wohl & Kirschen, 2018). This presents in a variety of ways, including increased confusion during intimacy, discomfort with touch, low libido, disengagement during sex, difficulties trusting sexual partners, panic attacks during intimacy, dissociation during intimacy, flashbacks during intimacy, and difficulties with sexual arousal.

Both hypersexuality and hyposexuality are entirely normal. After experiencing assault, survivors commonly have a complicated relationship with intimacy, one which takes time, practice, and openness to mend (Sexual Intimacy After Sexual Abuse | Information for Partners, 2015).

Kinsey, M., & Henderson, R. (2022, March 21). Why Your Out-of-Control Sex Drive Could Be a Product of Trauma. Mindsplain.

Sexual intimacy after sexual abuse | Information for partners. (2015, September). Living Well.

Wohl, A., & Kirschen, G. W. (2018). Betrayal of the Body: Group Approaches to Hypo-Sexuality for Adult Female Sufferers of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Journal of child

sexual abuse, 27(2), 154–160. https://doi.org/10.1080/10538712.2018.1435597