Survivor Stories (pt. 7)

TW: Sexual violence

Every survivor has their own story, yet not every survivor feels heard. For a multitude of reasons, survivors fear speaking out. And even if they do speak out, that doesn’t mean someone will listen… or believe them.

From the start of my work with PAVE, I emphasized my desire to highlight survivor stories. I desired to create a space for survivors to share their voices, one that perseveres even after my time at PAVE.

The pieces below were submitted by survivors, some requesting to remain anonymous. Thank you to these survivors for your strength and vulnerability. We hear you. We believe you. We support you.

Compiled by Jessica Katz

Crazy by Emily Moser

Being a survivor is…

crazy.

I am realizing

how complex we really are.

I am realizing

that we can exist

in two states of being at once.

I am realizing

we can be okay,

functioning even,

and we can be not okay,

struggling often.

Being a survivor is crazy.

My therapist says,

“you can be both,”

so I am trying to accept that:

I am both -

I am okay

and

I am not okay.

Crazy.

But it feels like I am being…

fake.

dramatic.

fraudulent.

reactive.

over-emotional.

crazy.

I feel crazy.

Because then I also feel…

energized.

happy.

excited.

hopeful.

engaged.

Which makes me feel

like I might be

crazy.

But being a survivor is crazy.

Being a survivor is complex.

And I am just

both -

Okay and not okay.

And that is okay.

Reaching acceptance,

now that,

is crazy.