It’s okay to not report your assault.

TW: Sexual Assault

Is it okay if I don’t report my assault?

Society shames survivors when they choose not to report their assaults. It’s a weird form of victim-blaming. “If they actually were raped, they would’ve reported it to the police.” “Why did they wait so long if they’re telling the truth?”

With this judgment, survivors are pressured into reporting. If they report immediately, they may not have had time to process what happened to them before verbalizing the gruesome details to strangers. But, if they wait, will anyone believe them?

There are numerous considerations in reporting sexual violence, the first being the end goal: justice. Justice means something different to everyone, yet it’s difficult to achieve within the legal system.

Only 310 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2020). Of these 310, only 50 reports lead to an arrest, only 28 cases lead to a felony conviction, and only 25 perpetrators are incarcerated (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2017).

Of those who reported to the police between 2005 and 2010, 25% aimed to prevent recurrence or escalation, 21% felt they had a duty to do so, 17% wanted to prevent their perpetrator from reoffending, and 3% were seeking help (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2013).

Of those who did not report between 2005 and 2010, 20% feared retaliation, 15% believed the police wouldn’t or couldn’t do anything to help, 13% felt it was a personal matter, 8% believed it was not important enough to report, and 7% didn’t want to get their perpetrator in trouble (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2013).

Legal Process

If you choose to report to the police, the first step is either getting a rape kit or filing a police report (Brashers, 2019). If the assault has just occurred, you can head to the hospital for a rape kit. You will first be treated for any physical injuries that require immediate attention. Then comes the head-to-toe forensic examination; this may entail getting swabs taken and internal examinations of the mouth, vagina, or anus. With your permission, photographs may be taken of bruising or injuries, and any clothing worn during the assault may be confiscated as evidence. Lastly, the doctors may offer preventative treatment for STIs or schedule a follow-up appointment. Getting a rape kit can be overwhelming or traumatic, but many hospitals practice trauma-informed care, including victim advocates to support the survivor through the process.

If you choose not to get a rape kit or wait before reporting, the first step is filing a police report. You can file a police report by contacting the direct line of a police station or visiting the station to file the report in person. It is important to note that victim advocates are available to support through this process, as well. Once your report is filed, you must decide whether or not to press charges (Brashers, 2019).

Because each state, jurisdiction, and case is so different, it’s difficult to generalize about what the legal process looks like. In general, after you’ve filed your report and charges have been pressed, a detective will be assigned to the case. The detective will conduct interviews with the survivor and defendant while gathering and evaluating evidence. The finalized case is sent to the prosecutor, who decides what the charges should be. During this step, many cases are dropped due to a lack of evidence (Brashers, 2019).

The next step is a preliminary hearing or a grand jury, at which the evidence is presented. During the discovery period, the prosecutor hands over the evidence to the defense. This stage of the trial can take up to six months (Brashers, 2019).

Finally—the trial. The length of each trial may vary widely, but all result in a verdict (i.e., guilty or not guilty) and sentencing (Brashers, 2019). Each state has different standards for sentencing, with the average sentence for criminal sexual abuse being 16 years (Fawbush, n.d.).

Title IX Process

On the other hand, the Title IX process is complex but not as time-consuming. The process begins with filing a report with your school’s Title IX program (Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison, n.d.). If the alleged conduct is found to violate school policy, you have the option to pursue a formal investigation. The typical investigation process runs approximately 60 to 90 days from the date the Notice of Investigation is issued. However, many survivors have experienced investigations extending way beyond 100 days.

A third-party investigator will conduct interviews with you, your perpetrator, and any witnesses. During these interviews, you are allowed to have an advisor (i.e., lawyer, advocate, friend, etc.) present. Throughout the investigation, the investigator will also gather evidence (Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison, n.d.).

After some time, you will receive the Initial Investigative Report—a document containing all the information the investigator gathered. You will have around ten days to review this lengthy report and respond with the information you found correct or think should be added or removed (Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison, n.d.).

After more waiting, you will receive the Final Investigative report, which includes relevant information the investigator gathered along with the investigator’s decisions of guilt and suggested sanctions. From there, you have two options. The first is to move to a jury hearing, in which a panel hears from both sides and makes a final decision on guilt and possible sanctions (Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison, n.d.). At this time, both parties have the opportunity to speak and cross-examine (“UW-Madison Policy on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence,” 2020). Although your hearing may be held virtually, it is important to consider that there is a great chance both you and your perpetrator will be at the hearing. Thus, you risk retraumatization, as you may have to see your perpetrator and hear them speak.

The second option is a settlement. Both parties go back and forth with Title IX as a mediator until they have agreed upon the outcome of the case (Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison, n.d.).

An alternative or additional option offered by Title IX is a No Contact Directive, protecting you and preventing your perpetrator from contacting you or those close to you. Regardless of your investigation status, Title IX reports that “You may be issued a No Contact Directive (NCD) by the Sexual Misconduct Resource and Response Program if someone has indicated they are concerned about receiving unwanted contact from you based on prior alleged conduct” (Respondent Information, n.d.).

One notable difference between the two systems is the burden of proof required for conviction. Title IX makes decisions based on the preponderance of evidence, meaning the burden of proof is met when there is a greater than 50% chance the claim is true (UW-Madison Policy on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence, 2020). On the other hand, the court system uses the standard of beyond a reasonable doubt, meaning the burden of proof is met when there is a greater than 99% chance the claim is true (Williams, 2019).

Weighing Your Options

It’s important to weigh your options. While you may be able to explain what happened to you in detail, those with authority require evidence and interviews to verify your claims. Think a lot about this. What evidence do you have? What witnesses do you have? Do you have time to get a rape kit? How much time and energy do you have to put into this process?

There are pros and cons to both systems, and each survivor’s experience varies. To many, it may seem obvious to report, however, many barriers deter or prevent survivors, as there is no one-size-fits-all solution to coping with sexual violence.

Research has found that bisexual women are more likely to be sexually assaulted and to receive negative reactions to disclosure compared to lesbian and heterosexual women (Dyar et al., 2021). This is in large part due to perceptions toward bisexual women—that they are promiscuous, they led the perpetrator on more, they wanted to have sex with the perpetrator more, and thus, they were more responsible for their victimization. These perceptions are reflected in negative reactions to disclosure, which easily deter survivors from disclosing their experiences and seeking help.

Similarly, research has found that Black women are less likely to disclose experiences of sexual violence than Caucasian women (Starzynski et al., 2007). Researchers suggest this may stem from various reasons, such as the self-perceived need for Black women to be emotionally strong in a society with racial prejudice, inadequate sexuality socialization, and the predominance of white authority in most formal service systems. On a smaller scale, minority women are more likely to receive negative reactions from disclosure and Black women’s claims of rape have historically been treated with skepticism.

The deterrence in survivors of color and survivors in the LGBTQ+ community may translate to other minority survivors, in terms of social-economic status, religion, or other parts of a survivor’s identity.

This isn’t to say reporting is bad. The truth is that reporting is empowering but not an option for everyone. There are other ways to find closure and peace.

Alternatives to Reporting

If you want to disclose your experience but not with the police or a formal system, you can take the route of informal disclosure. This means confiding in family, friends, or partners—those you feel you can trust to respect and support you. In a survey for the University of Nevada, survivors reported that they often turned to friends to discuss their experiences, mostly to make sense of what had occurred (Jones, 2021). The researcher found that friends were likely to provide emotional support, showing survivors empathy and making them feel heard. Positive reactions from friends were related to decreased self-blame, and in turn, higher psychological well-being—higher self-esteem and less general stress, depression, and anxiety.

You can seek mental health support. Many mental health professionals are trained in trauma-informed care, meaning they are trained to support those coping with trauma—focusing on “What happened to you?” rather than “What’s wrong with you?” (What Is Trauma-Informed Care?, n.d.). There are multiple therapeutic approaches for survivors, from somatic experiencing to cognitive-behavioral therapy (Types of Therapy and Treatment, n.d.). Each approach has different focuses, but therapy, as a whole, has numerous benefits for survivors. Therapy can help with the release of painful emotions, including feelings of numbness, fears of intimacy, shame, and low self-esteem (Justice, 2023). Rather than repress your emotions, therapists can help you learn to process and express them without retraumatization or extreme distress. Additionally, through therapy, you can gain self-awareness of and learn to effectively cope with any defense mechanisms.

Similarly, you can join a support group. In a group, you can both share your story and hear the stories of others. Hopefully, with time, you can recognize that you are not alone in what you’ve experienced and that what happened to you is a reflection of the person who harmed you, not yourself.

Advocacy can be a powerful tool in healing from sexual trauma, working toward the awareness and prevention of sexual violence as well as support for survivors. It’s an opportunity to use your voice, share your story, and connect with other survivors. There are a wide variety of advocacy opportunities—you can connect with a sexual violence organization, write about and publicize your story, attend rallies and protests… The options are endless. In whatever route you choose, you can feel empowered through empowering others.

The list of alternatives goes on and on—practicing mindfulness meditation or yoga, finding community, engaging in meaningful relationships, connecting with your body through self-care, journaling, etc. Healing is not a one-size-fits-all process, so do what feels best for you.

PAVE is here to support you through your healing journey. Check out Survivors.org to find support and resources in your area. If you are in need of urgent support, the following crisis hotlines are available to you:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

• Trevor Project LifeLine: 1-866-488-7386

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

• Teen Dating Hotline: Love is Respect: 1-866.331-9474

• Trans Lifeline's Peer Support Hotline: 1-877-565-8860

• Love is Respect Text Line: Text LOVEIS TO 22522

Sources:

Brashers, H. (2019, April 12). What to Expect When Reporting a Sexual Assault to Law Enforcement. Allure.

Bureau of Justice Statistics. (2020). National Crime Victimization Survey, 2015-2019. Department of Justice.

Bureau of Justice Statistics. (2013). Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010. Department of Justice.

Dyar, C., Feinstein, B. A., & Anderson, R. E. (2021). An experimental investigation of victim blaming in sexual assault: The roles of victim sexual orientation, coercion type, and stereotypes about bisexual women. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 36(21-22), 10793–10816. doi:10.1177/0886260519888209

Fawbush, J. (n.d.). How Much Time Will I Serve for Sexual Abuse? LawInfo.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2017). National Incident-Based Reporting System, 2012-2016.

Jones, A. E. (2021). Sexual Assault on College Campuses: An Investigation of Psychological Well-Being and Reporting Behaviors of Female Victims. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, 82(1-B).

Justice, A. (2023, June 12). Benefits Of Going To Therapy For Sexual Abuse & Sexual Assault Survivors. BetterHelp.

Respondent Information (n.d.). University of Wisconsin-Madison Office of Compliance.

Response & Investigation Options – Office of Compliance – UW–Madison. (n.d.). University of Wisconsin-Madison Office of Compliance.

Starzynski, L. L., Ullman, S. E., Townsend, S. M., Long, L. M., & Long, S. M. (2007). What factors predict women’s disclosure of sexual assault to mental health professionals? Journal of Community Psychology, 35(5), 619-638. doi:10.1002/jcop.20168

Types of Therapy and Treatment. (n.d.). Sexual Assault Center.

UW-Madison Policy on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence. (2020, August). University of Wisconsin-Madison.

What is Trauma-Informed Care? (n.d.). Trauma-Informed Care Implementation Resource Center.

Williams, J. (2019, September 5). What is an Indictment: A Guide on Everything to Know and Expect. Attorney At Law Magazine